Boldly I Approach : Jonathan Kim
Exodus 17:1-7 (ESV)
1 All the congregation of the people of Israel moved on from the wilderness of Sin by stages, according to the commandment of the Lord, and camped at Rephidim, but there was no water for the people to drink. 2 Therefore the people quarreled with Moses and said, “Give us water to drink.” And Moses said to them, “Why do you quarrel with me? Why do you test the Lord?” 3 But the people thirsted there for water, and the people grumbled against Moses and said, “Why did you bring us up out of Egypt, to kill us and our children and our livestock with thirst?” 4 So Moses cried to the Lord, “What shall I do with this people? They are almost ready to stone me.” 5 And the Lord said to Moses, “Pass on before the people, taking with you some of the elders of Israel, and take in your hand the staff with which you struck the Nile, and go. 6 Behold, I will stand before you there on the rock at Horeb, and you shall strike the rock, and water shall come out of it, and the people will drink.” And Moses did so, in the sight of the elders of Israel. 7 And he called the name of the place Massah and Meribah, because of the quarreling of the people of Israel, and because they tested the Lord by saying, “Is the Lord among us or not?”
Father, I pray that you would use this testimony to glorify yourself, that people would read this testimony and see that YOU are good. In Jesus’s name, I pray, Amen.
For the longest time, I thought I understood the gospel well. Or well enough. Growing up in the church, I heard countless times “God loves you”, “Jesus loves you”. Jesus died on the cross. Rose again. For me me me. Y’all know the gist. My understanding was changed when I went to a retreat this past fall.
There are three important points that God made to me using this scripture and the pastor who preached on it.
The first point was that these people deserved judgment like I deserve judgment. The passage was tricky because of how it ended; God supplied water to the people. Happy ending. It made this seem like it was just: the people complained to God and he loved them so he gave it to them. And this is 100% true. But what shocked me was how? And why? They weren’t being faithful. These idiots, me being one of those idiots, completely forgot that God did miracles upon miracles in Egypt and delivered them.
The second realization was in the key phrase “the staff with which you struck the Nile”. The same staff that God used to cast the 10 Plagues on Egypt was being used now. And they 100% deserved it, and yet when he strikes the rock, water, endless-life saving water came out. To the people. And at this point, I was like: wait, what the heck? He hits a rock with the staff of judgment and water comes out? God then showed to me that the rock was Jesus (1 Corinthian 10:4). And that broke me.
The third point really solidified it. The pastor pointed out the Moses or God didn’t rebuke Israelites and say: “Remember all the things that I have done for you in Egypt! And after they remember, he comes and gives them water. He just saves them. With God, it’s not that we remember Him, but in knowing or becoming aware again that He always remembers us. He’s always been there. AND THAT BLEW MY MINDDD. Because I was under the impression that it’s when I come to God, and when read my word and pray that He’s there. I need to muster all my brainpower and strength and “remember Him”. But then salvation is on me. It’s more that He is there, always.
It hit me so hard because I never saw the gospel in that light. To be just water, what we need to live. You don’t work for it, you don’t serve for it, you just DRINK. I would say the gospel has always been more like medicine, something I often had to force myself to remember, or to take in hesitantly. And it was humiliating to me. It revealed in my heart how I was not living in the gospel, but in moralism, me having to work to add God’s favor and love. I added my “good works” into the equation of “my good works + Jesus = God loves me” instead of it being BECAUSE God loves me, it was shown in Jesus coming. God’s love for me has been the constant. It’s never changed. I didn’t believe God just loved me because he loved me. That makes no sense. Who the heck loves someone just for who they are? For it to make sense to me, I added what I could do for God into the equation. Then it’ll make sense. I need to pray and read my Bible, and then God will come. I need to serve and love others, then God will forgive me for me not being able to stop watching pornography and masturbating. But this, this takes away from the craziness of the gospel. God loves you because he loves you. Not because of Jesus, (his love was a manifestation of this), not because of what you do or what you can bring, but more of who you are. A child. His creation.
I feel for me, and a lot of the current church and society, the phrase “God loves you” isn’t an amazing statement because we think we’re deserving of the love. That’s why I and so many people misread this passage. Of course, God loves me, I’m so awesome. What’s not to love? For me, I added works into the equation to make sense. But I did God dirty. When this passage really began to hit me, I did something I haven’t done since becoming a Christian. I rested. I didn’t need to work, I didn’t need to worry about praying for others or make sure everyone was paying attention. Just at that moment, I rested. Knowing that no matter what I did, God loved me. And that makes absolutely no sense to me but it’s so amazing.
I still struggle and wrestle with adding my works into the equation. Like it says in Galatians 3:3, I often become so foolish by thinking my sanctification is by works and not the Spirit. For me, I just want to make Jesus my greatest desire. I want to have more satisfaction in Him than in anything else, more than Youtube, food, friends, pornography, etc. And when I fall into any sin, but particularly porn, it’s so hard for me to come back, and I realize it’s because I base His love on me on my quote on quote “righteousness” and not his goodness? I think in my heart Again God? No way you’d forgive me again, it’s like the 8th time. But he does. Again and again, sins past, present, and future. Is it hard for me to believe? Heck yeah. But what can I do but cry out to God to reveal more and more of his truth and love to me. And I can boldly approach because now it’s not based on anything I do but what Jesus has done. Thank you Jesus.
Father, let me not add my works into the equation and distort the amazing news you have shown us. Open my eyes, ears, and heart and give me the same understanding you gave your disciples to see that you are better, you are amazing and that the truth of you would not be distorted by the enemy. That everything, everything I do in ministry, loving others, reading your Word, missions would be rooted in a love for you and that everything would flow. Let my life be one that shows who you are to people, and let my life glorify you. In Jesus’s name, Amen.