My Faith In God : Joshua Kim
Hebrews 11:6 (ESV)
6 and without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.
Before retreat started, I was confident that I was a believer and had a firm relationship with God. Turns out, I didn’t know what it meant to have faith. I always thought it was just saying I believed that I had faith from the start of my Christian life. On the first day of retreat, my small group teacher asked us, “Are you a Christian? If so, prove it.” This question changed my life because, through my inability to answer confidently, I was able to see where I really was in my relationship with God. Once small group ended, I could not forget that question because of its great impact on me. After all of this, I felt there was something in my heart preventing me from reaching out to God. There was an unknown obstacle in my way. When Pastor Patrick from retreat told us to come to the front to pray, with doubts that this prayer would actually have any real impact on me, I went up. The moment Pastor Patrick told us to pray that all of our distractions would go away, I realized my mind was very clouded and I had a very hard time focusing and concentrating on prayer. He also said we have to take a leap of faith and pray out loud. I was not used to praying out loud because I feared other people’s judgment, but soon I realized that doesn’t matter as long as God is on my side. The very moment I felt all my distractions go away, I was truly able to pray and that is when I heard God’s voice say, “Joshua, love Jesus.” At first, I was really confused and thought I was making words up in my mind. But, I realized it wasn’t me simply talking to myself. God’s words left a huge impact on me and led me to truly believe in God’s presence. I realized how prayer was so good for me and how I am so privileged to have such a loving and caring God. I was able to pray confidently knowing that God will always give His answer as long as I have faith and believe that He is with me. That day I was able to let go of so many things that were weighing me down.
Praying has always felt like such a burden to me. I always disliked when every teacher and pastor would speak about the importance of prayer in our walk with God. But how can you have a relationship with someone without talking to them at all? Since this realization, praying has become an important part of my life. Praying with the praise team at retreat felt so great because we were all filled with the Holy Spirit and fired up with passion.
Upon returning from retreat, many aspects of my life remained the same –schoolwork was still annoying and I was constantly arguing and not listening to my parents. However, this time around, I chose to turn to prayer and I felt a sense of renewal and the desire to follow God even more. These days, I find myself wanting to get to know God more and have a stronger relationship with Him. I pray that throughout my life I will be able to glorify His name through the faith that He has given me and rely on Him during times of trouble. This is my testimony of how I truly started believing in God.