Day 32 - Jonathan Kim
Is there a specific Bible passage or verse that comes to mind in the context of “Less of Me and More of Him”?
Psalm 18:3 I call upon the name of the LORD, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies.
If I could pick one word that could summarize the season I’m in, it would be “deliverance.” If you know me well, I’m someone who doesn't like to receive help. I often get scolded for leaving Bible Reading Fellowship by taking a bus or walking instead of asking for a ride. When I think about this, I believe it ties to a need to be liked. The less of a burden I am to others, the more they would like me. Unfortunately, this mindset also bleeds into my relationship with God. I don’t want to burden Him. I want to figure it out on my own, without His help. And yet, I’ve failed over and over again. I want to enjoy God and His goodness and love, live a life pleasing to Him, and have victory over my sins. And yet, I always fall short. However, I realized I was not relying on God to deliver me. I was trying to deliver myself. In Scripture, there is a recurring pattern of Israelites and Christians trapped in impossible situations where they need God to deliver and save them. And He always does.
Briefly explain which areas of your life you find most difficult to surrender to Christ.
For most areas of my life, God graciously gave me a heart to surrender to Him. Giving money to the poor, loving difficult people, serving, giving my time and not spending as much time with friends, going on mission trips, etc. But one thing I struggle to let go of is sexual sin. Praying through this constant cycle of failure and repentance, I realized that deep down, it wasn’t just the inability to give it up— I wanted to keep doing it. Sexual sin didn’t only feel good physically, but also for my ego. I received worth or validation by how I thought of others. I need to remember that my worth and value only come from the God who loves me and sees me as beautiful. I wrestled/dreaded sharing this as I love to protect my image, but I am sharing this, not that I would not look good, but that God would look good and be glorified. “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Cor. 12:9).
Share the areas of your life that have shifted from self-centeredness to Christ-centeredness.
In October 2022, I decided to become a youth group teacher. Fewer things have been as challenging but also as rewarding and sanctifying. Being a youth group teacher is when and where I learned and am still learning to love others. I came in headstrong, wanting to use the disciplinarian and punitive style I use in school, hoping the youth group students would come to believe the gospel and have a relationship with God. The end justified the means for me. But God took me away from that style and pushed me to be patient and kind and not rude, irritable, or resentful (which is pretty easy in this ministry haha). My inflection point came in Ohio missions while serving alongside the youth group. The children we were serving were from the Congo, and they were the antithesis of the Korean culture that shaped us. They were rude, ungrateful, and lacked social awareness. And yet, the missionary, Jimmy, loved them in a way I have never seen before. Then it hit me. The love I gave the youth group kids was conditional. It was the unspoken lie I believed my whole life: “You are only worthy of love if you behave, do well in school, or are respectful.” Since then, imperfectly but with God’s grace and power, I have sought to love my students, not by how I want or think, but by how God wants me to.
What are some practical ways you can display Christ to those around you?
In my earlier years as a Christian, I believed the greatest commandment was “Go and convert as many people as possible to Christianity.” Every time I interacted with my non-Christian friends, coworkers, or strangers, I would think to myself, “Will what I am doing help them to believe in Jesus?” If they did not believe in Jesus, I would beat myself up for failing. God has revealed to me that my end goal should be conversion. But that is up to God; I can’t change people’s hearts. What I can do, however, is love them. If I love them the way that God loves, I have succeeded. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 has been a passage that served as a guide this season: “Love is patient and kind. It does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice with wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things. Love never ends.” If I love people in such an unreal, unexplainable way, it would point to Jesus.